Today I feel fake.

The smile seems forced but I've gotten so used to pretending that I'm okay that somehow it hurts.

Nothing seems real anymore.

The numbness has gone away again and now I'm left feeling the sore bittersweet pain. Another dose of painkillers would perhaps be nice to ease my soul a bit more because nightmares have started haunting me once again. It still feels like yesterday and nothing can change it.

I just don't know.

Oh I wish you were here.

Oh but darling you were the one who pushed me out of place. Now I'm nothing but a disgrace.

And since my wings have been clipped off and I'm nothing but an old beat-up doll, I've tried.

But somehow, I keep going back.