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Thursday, January 7, 2010
Relationships
Would someone care to classify, A broken heart and twisted minds So I can find someone to rely on During work today, Belinda and I were talking about relationships. Duh, I mean we're girls but the whole relationship conversation thing was sparked off thanks to a certain event that's been going. I cannot tell you or reveal everything on this blog because it's meant to be private. Or else, I'll probably talk about it and address the entire issue because I really want to talk about it. It's okay, I'll talk to Bronza about it soon. Despite what you think, it's not about me. (: Anyway, Belinda and I were chatting about a certain relationship and talking about how a certain person would probably join our ranks soon. I bet you have a question right now. So, I'll answer it for you. What do you mean by ranks? I mean, soon that person will have a hard time trusting others and getting into relationships like Belinda and I do. And if that person is like me, he/she will end up feeling emo and will try things like I did. I know, it sounds really stupid but... How am I like that now? You probably wouldnt believe me but I haven't had a date in forever. I don't classify going out with a guy a date. I classify DATE as in DATE. You see, I take love and relationships VERY SERIOUSLY so I tend not to go into relationships unless really serious. I don't have much flings or scandals either. I've got a rather clean record but as clean as it is, it's pretty fucked up. You see, after certain events that happened when I was 17, my once very innocent self has changed drastically. I used to not club, drink nor did I even think about trying to shisha. However, look at the me now. And 2009, made things worse than they were. I could fall in love fast when I was 16. No wait, I'll call that infatuation, not love. I got infatuated with people super fast and I could say my standard was way fucking low. Looking back, I must have been pretty despo then but hey what the heck, some of them were really nice in terms of personality. I've never been a fan of guys with good looks so whatever. Then after my first relationship, I swear I changed. There was no more oogling at hot guys, talking to guys, going out with guys etc. It was more of me and boyfriend. I even cast my friends aside. It was the break up that changed me. Thank god my friends forgave me. However, things were like they were before. Alone, alone and no guys. I had no eye candy at all but I did have scandals and short crushes, which lasted 2 weeks max. Then I got into my first serious open relationship which sucked. God damn it. Until now, the feeling hurts. This one caused me to change even more. After the brief open relationship, I got into my second relationship which was stupid. I broke up with the guy in the end. I mean, hello. He might be good looking, nice and all but I know him for like 5 days before getting together. As in courting period, but yes, the relationship wasnt working out and I know I hurt him but still. I also knew I wasn't good enough so I had to leave. Then the same brief open relationship which still leaves me scarred. He's my friend now so yeah. Well, at least we're friends. He said I changed, but honestly. I changed after these events in my life. It shows I'm stupid but you know, if I remained the same old nice me who could not even stand up for herself, then I would die. It's this brief open relationship which sparked off certain events and now I'm left alone AGAIN. And I swore never to date until 2010, which is now. And although it's 2010, I doubt I would date anytime soon because now... I have a fear of emotional attachment. Actually, it's more like commitment. It's not that I can't commit, it's just that I have a fear of hurting people and getting too attached. I do intend to date, but it's too difficult right now. Actually, I kind of like someone now. The crush feeling started somewhere in October/November and it's lingering although that someone doesn't want to entertain me anymore. Unfair ain't it? But whatever it is, I'm taking things slowly. Gone is the me, who would rush head first into relationships. I think love is bullshit now. I mean, what is love really? If you really like a person, figure out why first and then ask yourself whether you can trust this person and whether you can live with this person in your life forever. You need a lot of trust in relationships and a lot of understanding. It's not easy you know. It's a shame how kids rush into relationships these days. Don't think and bastard each other. Cheat here, cheat there. Scandal here, scandal there. Eh, where's the commitment man? Honestly, don't be so desperate and complain about needing someone. You can live on your own. Humans were born alone and will die alone. Nobody accompanies you when you die although maybe when you were born, you might have a twin. I don't know but all I mean is, you have to be alone. So face it! Really, some kids need to get relationships into their fucking heads. Don't play play play around if you know you're going to hurt yourself, your loved ones and your partners. You will get karma my dears. Trust me. And I don't need a man in my life. So don't bother trying to intro. (: Thanks. Plus, Charissa, has this awesome quote on her blog and thus, I shall end with that. "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believes, & leaves before she is left" |
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 ______ 07 August 1991 RP DCID CCC drama single & unavailable ♥ music, fashion, writing, books, dr.martens, hello kitty, katy perry, anime, blueberries, parties, shoes, roses, movies, eyes set to kill, nail polish, bangles, leather, autumn, blythedolls, devil wears prada, pink, studs, chiaki kuriyama, alesana, bangs, cotton candy, diaries, B&J ice-cream Facebook Twitter Tumblr Livejournal Formspring
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